How Modern Dating Learned to Blame the Stars

It's not my fault, the stars say it's not meant to be!

Sound familiar, huh? Astrology has become a convenient shorthand in modern dating—a quick way to categorize, predict, and explain away romantic outcomes. If you've ever wandered into the astrology subreddit, I'm sure you've come across something of the like:

"My ex was a Gemini, she was such a cheater."

"He's a Capricorn--they're too obsessed with work to care about you."

"Scorpios are batshit crazy, but at least the sex is good."

Leaving the blatant sun-sign astrology issue aside, what once was a playful curiosity has evolved into a decision-making framework: which signs won't cheat, which signs are red flags, which signs are good for sex but bad for long-term relationships... Actually, the delusion here isn’t believing that astrology exists; it’s believing it should outweigh communication, values, and behavior.

The modern dating culture, shaped by apps and the illusion of having endless options, astrology offers emotional efficiency. Saying “I don’t date Scorpios” is easier than admitting you’re afraid of intensity or vulnerability. Labeling someone as “such a Gemini” is easier than confronting inconsistency or misaligned expectations. Astrology becomes a socially acceptable excuse to opt out of discomfort, accountability, and honest conversations.

So you're saying, him being a Gemini was not the problem?

Relationships have never been solely about the other person; it's a two-way street.

The real danger lies in the outsourcing of discernment. Misunderstanding the purpose of astrology and adopting such a mindset also creates false intimacy. Sharing birth charts can feel like deep connection without requiring actual emotional risk. You feel like you know someone because the stars told you, not because you listened to them, observed their patterns, or navigated conflict together. It’s intimacy without effort and it collapses the moment real-life complexity shows up. This point is frequently forgotten--birth charts only show the possibilities; how the chart is applied in real-life is dependent on the individual's awareness and circumstances.

Pop astrology advice for dating reinforces confirmation bias.

We notice the traits that fit the sign and ignore the ones that don’t. When something goes wrong, the chart gets blamed instead of the choices made by real people. What one deems as "fate" may very well just be the result of poor communication. Incompatibility? "Destiny." Growth? "Well...that's not necessary because the chart is set in stone."

Then, whatever happened to personal agency?

Healthy relationships are built on emotional intelligence, boundaries, and mutual effort, all of which can be learned.

In short, modern dating can't solely rely on astrology. Astrology offers insight, not an excuse.